Volcano

I don't think I deal very well with frustration.

Well, let me rephrase.

I don't think I deal very well with prolonged, compounded frustration.

There. That's more accurate.

I believe I have an enormous amount of patience in isolated, mildly frustrating situations. I try to look at things from the other person's point of view. I try to see the lesson I'm going to learn from all of it. I try to see how my character will benefit. I try to see how my children will be bettered. Overall, I am generally OK with that mild-level irritation.

However, and this is a big however. When the frustrating situations continue to pile one on top of the other over an extended period of time, I fall apart. My anxiety level rises. My irritability takes on a life of its own. I'm sure my blood pressure is through the roof. My need for carbs seems insane.

Today was one of those days. Everything all came together in one giant boiling point to push me completely over the edge. There were tears. There was yelling. There was nausea. It was not an easy day, nor an easy set of life situations with which to deal. Throw in the towel? Yes, the thought crossed my mind. Quit my job? Absolutely. Strangle one or two especially frustrating people? Well, of course.

Yes, today was one of those days. However, now the storm has passed. Some of my worries did not come to fruition. I got some support from unexpected places. I ended the day feeling more encouraged than I felt frustrated. There will still be ramifications to deal with tomorrow and the day after and the day after... conversations that will seem to go on endlessley... energy-draining confrontations that are good for the character, but very bad for the emotions.

The bright light in all of it? Could there be something bright you ask? Well, yes. Claire's love and affection in hugs that said, "It'll be alright mama". Clark's ability to live in his own little world where he is the champion of all things and where jumping up to successfully turn on the light switch is the same as winning a gold medal. The fact that it was pizza night and I didn't have to summon the energy to cook after the nightmare I endured throughout the day. Yes indeed, a few bright spots in the otherwise dark, dark night of the day.

And now, too exhausted to do any more work, I will stumble off to bed, thrilled to go to sleep early, forced though it might be. Tomorrow is, as they say, another day, which hopefully will be filled with a few more joys and a lot less frustration than today.

~lk