Escargot

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I want to try to be fully present in every moment.

I was realizing today (not for the first time, but with more intensity than in the past) that it seems I'm always looking forward to something...wanting the time to pass so I can get on to something else... dreading the mundane of the every day in sweet anticipation of something 'more exciting' that is coming in the future.

"I can't wait 'til Friday 'cause it's pizza night!"
"I can't wait 'til May 'cause we get to go to London!"
"I can't wait 'til mid-Feb 'cause Kevin comes home!"
"I can't wait 'til 4.00p 'cause I get to have my afternoon snack!"
"I can't wait 'til Thanksgiving 'cause we get to have the holidays again!"

Always all this anticipation.  I just just don't like it.  I want to enjoy - completely and to the fullest extent possible - a boring old Tuesday afternoon sitting with Claire while she eats her lunch.  I want to enjoy the time between dinner and when Clark goes to bed - snuggling on the couch reading books.  I want to enjoy the days in between the weekends when there is nothing much special going on.  I want to be fully present in every moment.

My work load has thankfully come under control once again -- it generally happens about this time every year.  I have only about 10 pending emails in my box that require some kind of action.  I was thrilled when today I was able to deal with and delete the oldest mail in my box - from April 19 of last year... pathetic, I know.  However, this mildly more handle-able time in my working life allows me the precious time and concentration to enjoy every moment.

This morning I sat and ate my breakfast (oatmeal and bananas with cinnamon of course!) and thought about every bite as I chewed it.  All this talk about how much I love eating my oatmeal and until this morning I had been rushing through the delightful time of the day when I actually get to partake in this sunrise treat.  I carefully lifted the proper ratio of oatmeal to banana out of my pink bowl and tasted every morsel put in my mouth which the medium-sized spoon delivered with such great splendor.  It was wonderful.  Delicious.  A bit melodramatic, yes, but completely enjoyable.  A moment I was glad to savor. 

Tonight as I was putting Claire to bed and as I began to sing our usual nightly chorus of 'Trust and Obey', I noticed her gorgeous smiling face as we sang together -- me holding her outside her bedroom door, with voices slightly hushed as not to wake her sleeping brother inside the room.  She was taking such great delight as we sang every word.  At that moment I recalled my great desire to be present in every moment.  And so I sang the all-familiar song with a greater sense of controlled exuberance, looking into her smile-produced crinkled eyes which were looking back at mine as if to say that I was the best mom on the face of the earth.

I want to be present in every moment.  In every sip of morning Starbucks extra bold Kenyan coffee.  In every star that we put on the kids 'My chores' chart.  In every book that I read to Clark for the bazillionth time.  In every crunchy, sweet, pink fuji apple that passes by my lips.  In every second of the strength-building, weight-losing workout at the gym each morning.   The special events will be there in the future.  But for now I want to let the future be.  I am here, I am now, I want to revel in the present tense. 

Let time move slowly.  I will walk along with its snail's pace, hopefully seeing things I've never before seen; hopefully discovering new joys along the journey.

~lk

Comments

Kris said…
Ephesians 18-20:
They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way.

Thanks for the reminder that the gift we are promised in eternity is freedom from the continual lust for more, for something else and instead will enjoy the satisfaction of all there is now - in Him forever.
7:16 PM
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