Plastered

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I have been so incredibly moved by the writings of Oswald Chambers in 'My Utmost for His Highest' lately.  This morning's devotional touched me in such a truly powerful way.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I lifted my pink Starbucks mug filled with steaming hot coffee to my lips in disbelief at the depth of emotion he and the Lord had evoked in me during my otherwise routine morning ritual.  I was so moved I couldn't even journal about today's topic quite yet.  I needed a little more time to process and really write.  

However, here's something from yesterday.  Equally amazing.  God really is so good.

"It is one thing to follow God's way of service if you are regarded as a hero, but quite another thing if the road marked out for you by God requires becoming a 'doormat' under other people's feet... Are you ready to be less than a mere drop in the bucket -- to be so totally insignificant that no one remembers you even if they think of those you served?  Are you willing to give and be poured out until you are used up and exhausted -- not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister?" ~ Oswald Chambers

Holy cow I am totally in the midst of this whole concept!  Unreal!  

There is a new billboard adorning the highway I drive every morning on the way home from the gym.  It is huge and blue and plastered with the faces of three international speakers who specialize in construction contract management.  Apparently they are having a big seminar series here in the city and the billboard is an announcement/invitation to this large event.  

For some odd reason, this billboard has struck a disturbing chord in me.  Why don't I have a billboard with my face on it?  Yes, I know, this is an absurd thought.  I am never going to have my own billboard.  It is even ridiculous of me to think of this as a possibility or realistic aspiration.  However, every time I drive by this silly thing, I get the same odd sense of discontentment in the pit of my stomach.

My birthday is this month... as I have already mentioned with great joy.  However, the fact that I will be officially 'old' this month has of course thrown me for a loop.  What have I accomplished?  Have I wasted my life?  What do I have to show for all my 'labor'?  What will my retirement be like when I am poor because of my choices today?  Apparently this is what a mid-life crisis is like.  Visions of grandeur tempt me; the sin of dissatisfaction is constantly on the horizon.

And then yesterday I read Chambers quote about being totally insignificant.  Good grief, Chambers, I'm already feeling totally insignificant and now he puts forth the notion that my insignificance is the way God wants it?

Well, maybe that *is* the way God wants it.  My lack of significance obviously points to the fact that God is ultimately and divinely and completely significant.  

Therefore, what will my attitude be?

Am I truly willing to endure this state of 'nothingness' for the sake of the Kingdom?  Perhaps it is true that my personal and continued suffering is *required* so that God's plan can move forward.  So that God may be glorified... so that the movement can truly grow.

Therefore, what will my attitude be?

Am I going to go through all of this joyfully and as a service to the God that I love?  Or am I going to struggle and complain and fight it every step of the way??  Philippians 2:14ff: "Do everything without complaining or arguing... so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars..."  My willingness to live without complaining, to put forth a joyful attitude, and to serve God with all my heart in the lowliest of ways will truly make a significant difference for HIM.  It may not bring me glory or praise or position or power...or a billboard with my face on it.  But it will bring God glory and it will play an important part in His greater plan for the redemption of humanity.

Therefore, what will my attitude be?

The way I live my life and the attitude with which I live it really do have an impact.  And therefore I should press on, no matter how hurt or discouraged or dismayed I feel.  It will not be easy and definitely not fun -- BUT with my commitment and God's help, surely I can do it.

What a great reality and attitude check for today -- very specifically! -- and for every day in general.

~lk

Comments

Kris said…
What a great post! I think I'm going to need to break out my copy of My Utmost for His Highest.

I have recently been really struck by the story about a mother who was given a book on cathedral building with the inscription that went basically like even though you will never see what you are building completed and no one will ever know what part you played, it still matters.
5:21 PM
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