Scattered

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I am so blessed.  God has protected me and hemmed my life in in such amazing ways for the last 35 years.  It is truly unbelievable how his love and care has sheltered me and kept me safe and prevented me from experiencing serious hurt, excruciating pain.  I have had trials.  I have been hurt.  I have waded my way through difficult circumstances.  However, through it all, God has helped me learn from the mistakes of others, to keep a clear head, to see the silver lining, and to see his plan in most of life's good and bad times.

As a result, I don't believe I have *ever* had to consciously subject myself to the process of emotional healing.

Emotional healing is hard.  Really hard.

After the events of the last month, I am going through both physical and emotional healing.  I know how to heal physically.  That's the easy part.  I rest... I eat... I slowly start back into my usual routine.  I take medicine.  I see the doctor.  I wear bandages.  I stay clean.

But I am clueless in the process of emotional healing.  I know I must do it.  But I don't have the foggiest idea of even where to start.  I feel scattered.  I feel uneven.  I can't sleep.  I feel overheated.  I'm eating too much.  I have little motivation.  I cry all the time.  I shout at the kids too much.  I react rather than respond.  I forget things.  I talk too much.  I obsess on the smallest of things.  I get completely distracted.  I feel fat and large and like I'm going to outgrow all my clothes in about 5 minutes.  I can't handle my work.  I can't handle the people I work with.  I can't handle the marketing sales calls I get on my mobile phone.  I can't handle having to make last minute arrangements.  I can't handle the fact that my air conditioner is not cold enough at night.  I can't handle cutting up the dog chicken at 11pm as per my usual routine.

I just cannot do these things.  I can't handle it.  I need to heal emotionally.  I need to be quiet and sleep and rest and not have to handle everything.  I am trying to say 'no' and being mildly successful.  I really am trying and can't handle it when people think I'm not trying and scold me for not saying 'no'... when in reality I'm saying 'no' more than ever before.

I need to heal emotionally.  It is hard.  I don't know if I can do it.  But I know I can't remain stagnant.  I wish healing emotionally was as simple as healing physically.  Take a tablet.  Slap on a bandage.  See the doctor and follow her instructions.

As a first time emotional-healer, I can officially say I am stumped.  I don't know how I'll make it through.  I know I will.  I know there will be a purpose.  I know that one day soon I will feel strong again.  But for now... not so much.

I am blessed.  But hurting.  Trying to heal.

~lk

Comments

Kris said…
My friend, I wish I could take some of those things off your plate, wish I could give you the space and time to immerse yourself in the deep well of His peace until it fills you up and carries away in the overflow of His love the stuff pressing in on you. Until then know that there are people in your balcony who will cheer you on and will help hold up your hands as the battle goes on. (Exodus 17:11-13).
10:37 PM
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