But first...

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I want to be a writer... but first I think I have to live.

How can I write if there is no material from which to draw my inspiration, my content, the things I want to share? I am nearly four decades old, but have I really lived? Really seen what life's about? Really seen and felt and tasted and held life in my hand and examined it up close?

I don't want to be someone who freely gives out advice without having the life experience to back up my words. I want my words to matter, to be meaningful, and to have validity.

When the words are committed to paper (or the computer screen) they should count for something. They should represent something. They should be loaded with the blood, sweat and tears that have produced an overwhelming amount of character inside of me that can do nothing but explode onto the white pages of a book.

I want to be a writer... but I don't want to be one who simply sits and pontificates. If I'm going to write, I have to interact with the world and both its sorrows and joys. I have to let those emotions affect me so that I have no other choice but to express myself with paper and pen or keyboard.

How can I write in an effective way if I don't know what will touch the lives of others? To be fully informed I cannot be a hermit; I must build relationships, build trust, develop depth. I must risk it all and expose my own vulnerability in an effort to show others that I care so that they, too, will share with me their emotions. Then I will know how my written words can impact the parts of them that need encouragement, comfort and healing.

I don't want to be someone who has to guess or make assumptions at how others feel; I want to know because I have asked and they have told me. I want my words to meet them where they are. This is not easy for me, but I know it's what I have to do.

When I see my words staring back at me from the computer screen or journal page, I want to know that they speak the truth, that they are genuine, that they are fully me. They should be a little bit crazy, a whole lot full of love, and always overwhelmed with a spirit of learning that knows that the ONE who has created me is faithful yesterday, today and forever. And that HIS words are the ones that ultimately matter both now and in eternity. My words will always pale in comparison.

I want to be a writer... but first I think I have to live.

And along the way I promise that I'll take good notes...

~lk

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